Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I'm blogging today because I felt the need to shout out everything thats in my head and heart. Every post before this, either in my new blog or old blog was all happy posts, talking about how my life is, and some even talking about matter-of-fact posts. And now, I dont want to lie to myself anymore. I dont want to write posts to please people. But to write posts to please myself. I know no one ever comes to visit this blog. Like never. But thats even better for me. This makes the blog pretty much exclusive and well, i can write without worrying about who my reader is.
Im in my final year of school now. High school. Form 5. Everytime someone says "Jasmine, you got to treasure your last year of secondary school" or "Secondary school is the best" or "Your best friends are from your secondary school" or "Dont regret once youve gone out of sec school". I normally just smile and tell them "Oh thats what i hear from everyone".
Deep inside, i die a little. I pity myself. Dissapointed with myself. Dissapointed with how little ive achieved in my whole secondary school life. I see no accomplishment in my 5 years of school here. I see no satisfaction or pleasure or good memories in my school here. Even the friends i make - not that the people here are not nice, they are really really nice actually - I dont think ive made any extremely close friends from this school. Most close friends I have were my primary school friends of whom I reinforced our friendship once we came to SSI together. Not that im complaining tho. Cause this people are the people that did light up my life for the past 5 years. :)
But putting that aside, now that im in a class with people I did not really talk to for the past 5 years, I actually feel somewhat lonely. There are some people I can talk to, because theyre extremely nice people, (although i know ive embarassed myself with my topic of conversations and responses ive given them) but yet, i feel as if im the outcast. Like any events or anything, ill be on the sidelines, watching them.
Most of my classmates, i assume, would think that Im a nerdy person, always studying, the goody goody type of person. (lol) Im actually like almost the opposite of that. ahahaha. Its just that sometimes its better to study than to look like a fool not doing anything.
This would be one of my first times complaining online (if this is called complaining). I normally dont want to publicise how i feel online. I dont want to tell people how im really feeling and I dont want to give the impression to people that im sad and helpless and lonely and what not. I want to appear strong and happy. Yet, I felt the need to post this post. I hope no one would really come and read it tho. As i said, this is for my own satisfaction and writing this is really making me happier :D
Well, now, lets talk about my regrets. I regret. A lot of things. There would be many many many many people i would like to apologise to right now in this post. Or even directly. But what has happened has happened so long ago, that even if the person might appreciate the apology, the apology would not last anymore cause the thing happened so long ago that its not that relevant anymore. Theyll prob look at me and say okaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
However, I would like to express my sincere apology to people whom I have talked sarcastically to, because everytime i talk sarcastically to you, I actually was so conscious of who i was with you that I did not so much think about how you felt. I would like to say sorry to those of whom i have been a hypocrite to. Sorry because ive been such a bitch and i really appreciate it if we started becoming friends again.
One other big regret i have is dedicated to God. I know i havent been dedicating myself to you. Im sorry, Lord. I thank you for dying on the cross for me and giving me salvation. You have been merciful and gracious to me and yet I do not appreciate your goodness. I pray hard Lord that i will worship you with all my heart and soul and I pray that ill appreciate my life that you gave me. Thank you Lord.
Sigining Off at...
5:19 AM
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Once again i come with a heavy heart and an occupied mind.
But yet, no creativity for a blog post. haha.
hello! this weekend was quite eventful, what with interact leadership programme, my grandparents' birthday and also lunch with my mindy and her good friends! :)
I dont know if i blogged about this before long long time ago, but i shall talk about it today cause i feel like it. - Happiness.
With different priorities, most people i know rate happiness differently. Whether or not it is doing well in studies, yet not having the most amazing social life, or vice versa as long as they enjoy the moment with the people they love. Some feel happy just worshipping the Lord and meditate on His word, some feel happy going clubbing every night shishaing smoking and drinking. And yet too there are people who feel happy thinking theyre the greatest people around. God made people round and square and triangle all over anyway right. Each mind to his own.
For me, Im happy when i talk with people, do weird things, do considerably well in exams, enter competitions. but most importantly, I like it when i meet someone similar to me - especially when im close to the person and that we can talk about everything under the sun. haha but life's like this right, even if the number may be a one or a two, like in my case, a one or a two, haha youre still happy! i like it when i go to church and sing my lungs out without worrying if im hurting anyone's ears. and i like many other things too.
Something i dont know if its good to worry about
-I normally think about people's happiness before mine, even if its affecting my own-
haha, something that ill probably find the answer to one day in the future.
Goodnight! :)
Sigining Off at...
5:03 AM
Thursday, August 11, 2011
One thing i used to hate and probably still do, about blogs - commitment. Especially now when we're in the year 2011, with the big leap into form4, i can hardly find the time to write in my blog. haha commitment and well, creativity :p
i decide to write today cz i just happen to have a lottt of things in my mind. The thing is, haha i have like the weirdest imagination. kinda.
Qisssy once told me this
"Next time, if i were to be a scientist or some sort, i would
like to investigate you and your brain and see whats inside there."
I dont really know how to judge myself, cause welllll ive only been living my own life, so the way i see how humans think is the way i see how i think sooo, i think how i think is normal! hhahaha, but well it seems weird to people how i think so yeah.
This year is a year full of events, competitions, meeting new people, making new friends, making new closing friends. A year of discovery and learning. Not learning in the academic sense, but learning about life. To be honest, ive always been well, sort of living in my shell. Oblivious to my surroundings. Ive talked to people, communicated with people ive never thought i would be communicating with, learning how different people generate thoughts and their different perspectives.
I wonder how many of you all or how many of us struggle with our own thoughts and our own heart? or our own imperfections? I dont know about you all (if theres anybody whos actually reading this :p) but i think we're all perfectionists! i for one, hate not being able to do what i expect myself to do. in some sense. But welllll, we'll always not be satisfied with at least one point about ourselves right. haha what to do that we're bornnn this waaay~
okay i dont plan to bore you all today. hehe i just wanted to make this blog going at least once this year. hehhhhh HEAR ME SOOOON. MUAHAHA buhbye! :D GOD BLESSSS!
Sigining Off at...
8:03 AM
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Pmr trials
I want it to come, and let it be over and done with.
I've got so many plans after pmr. haha :D that the people around me might be sick of me repeating the same things again and again :P
1. Learn guitar
2. Learn chinese
3. Movie marathon with mindy and jiew ann
4. Learn how to cook (how to on the stove and fry and egg! :D)
5. Missionary work
6. D'nus (i hopehopehope i can go)
7. take my first neoprint (haha late i know)
8. and the list goes on
but i know, if i don't study hard i wont be able to do anyyyyy of them.
so, byebye everyone!
good luck form3s form5s and form 1 2 and 3
Sigining Off at...
2:34 AM
Monday, July 19, 2010
hello world.
im in the midst of my exams and i just had this urge to blog.
eventhough there really isnt anything to blog about.
We're all imperfect. Who are we to be judges of people, let God, the perfect one, be the judge.
What someone does, even if it pisses us off, we're given no rights to lay judgement on them
:)
or we'll be just as bad / worse than them
good night!(((:
Sigining Off at...
6:59 AM
Friday, July 2, 2010
okay. i havent blogged like for ages! :P
hiiiiiiii!
i just realised that i signed up for blogger (this one) under an email that does nottt exist.
my email =
foriamblessed26@yahoo.comemail i used =
foriamblessed@yahoo.comoopSSSS XD
okay many many many things have happened. hahaha. i met so many new people, gone through many new experiences this year.
made new good friends <3 , fought with them, and realised how much they mean to me.
while i write this, i can hear the screams of "GOAAAAAALLLLLLLL" upstairs hahaahha. its BRAZIL AND NETHERLANDS btw
AND
i only knew that netherlands was holland LAST WEDNESDAY. oops XD i embarassed myselffff. hahaha.
okay. lets see. i went to the mighty minds state challenge 2010 last saturday. and met some people for the very first time :D
and my dearrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeesssssssssttttttttttttttt friend came and support me! so toucheddddddddd! :D and stayed till the whole thing. must be duper boring la. but she still stayed! gembira-ness! :D
tomorrow. 2 things - SAB IU day and OPEN DAY.
haha. the first, i would really love to go. but i dun think i can so..
and the second, i dunno if im scared or what.. haha.. my mum is a teacher in a school so she might know alot of things already. but still.. :)
i asked my dad, "Dad, can i go to flag day?"
He said, " You can go anywhere as long as its after pmr"
I asked, " Dad, can i go to Africa after Pmr?"
He says.. "Okay, i'll go with you"
"Do you think i'll go to Africa?"
hahaha. i wanna go to Africa not because its the football season. but i've wanted to go there since i was younger because i've always been interested in missionary work. Helping people around the world &&& sharing the gospel around the world.
Hallelujah! :D
just that day an invited speaker came to speak about evangelism. (Y)
hahaha. my sister is back!!!!!
double Hallelujah! :DDDDDDDD
i'll need to change my blogskin soon. Goodnight people! :DDDDDDDD
Sigining Off at...
7:31 AM
Saturday, May 22, 2010
[taken from sir khalifa's page]
[haha! prettty disgusting. but very hillarious :P ]
[click on the image to enlarge]
okay.
i have not blogged since the 25th of February
and many many many many things have happened since then like mindy's surprise birthday party, my birthday, chess mssj, some loads of problems, new friends and things like eating my first cheese roti canai. haha :)
anyway. just now when i was eating my very first cheese roti canai, i was just thinking to myself about my very dead blog that i have not been updating. hahaha so here i am :D updating my blog.
and it kinda made me wonder
"why did i have a blog in the first place?"
haha. was it because, many people had it? and it was like a thing to say "hello i am cool. i have a blog"
lol. FRANKLY SPEAKING, that was what i thought when i was 10. hahahahahah thats why i had my first blog when i was 10 lolol .
okay back to my point, or isit because i just wanted to update my very dead blog to show im still active in well my social life?
or isit because yada yada
hahaha no matter what the reason might be, thisss time im blogging because i wanna express my thoughts.
in a public manner. :)
to some, again, is a satisfaction, if compared to writing in your diary that no one reads.
and maybe, to me, too.
but i don't know. so.. yeah..
haha anyway, so manyyyy things have happened these days. and out of the so many bad things that have happened, something has been bugging me. until now. which is the trust issue, which i believe, all of us, young or old, mature or immature, have definitely gone through it before.
like, which friend can i trust, or not trust. or maybe in our work life, or whatever.
because when problems come, will they desert us or will they support us? haha. a true friend does not need to always be at your side extend help until she ignores her own needs.
just knowing someone there is always a happy thing :D
hahhaaha im sounding so matter-of-fact ly.
and i was also just thinking to myself, it is not that someone is more lucky than us that they have certain things we dont have that makes them so much happier, successful or whatever. its just how that person is able to fully use it to his/her own potential, more than we are able to. Thinking of what people have does not make us change the fact that we have not yet made full use of what we have. so that kinda made me realise to stop dreaming. i may have something different that another person, and i'll try my best to use my own ability to make the best of it.
after allll like my sister has always said, all of us have our own concepts of what makes life truly beautiful and happy! :D
and btw, I HAVE A JUSTIN BIEBER ALBUM lolol
haha!!! not that im a suupppeprrrrrr big fan of his.
but seriously his songs are not bad :D :D :D :D
mwahahhaha not like you guys who like to critisize him can sing any better :P
and ohyeah MSSJ WAS AWESOME :D
heeheeeee! i might not have wonnnn. but it was a really good experience!!!!!
soooooo
RACHEL FERNANDEZ AND RENITHA NARAYANAN AND LAI HUI LING, GO AND KICK THEIR ASSSSS AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOURE MADE OF :DDDDDD
haha! im pretty sure you all will get a place anyway heheh :)
church camp is nearing.
and im pretty sure im going!
heehee cant wait :D
am super missing youth! the worship and all. :) :) :) :) :)
Sigining Off at...
6:46 AM
[taken from sir khalifa's page]